Trapped in Survival and Silence
You know, I spent so much of my life stuck in survival mode, always afraid, always trying to keep the peace around men’s anger and criticism. Growing up, it was like walking on eggshells, scared I’d get screamed at or berated for any little thing, like I could never just be myself. That fear wired my nervous system to fawn and freeze, pushing down my feelings to stay safe. I saw it in my mom, too—she was this radiant light, but she buried so much shame and pain, trying to hold everything together. Her passing from cancer lifted a veil of truth for me. I believe the stress of suppressing those emotions, that toxic positivity we lean into to avoid the hurt, fueled her illness. Her angelic sacrifice showed me the cost of sweeping pain under the rug, and now her light guides me, and our lineage of women, toward healing and sovereignty.
The Body’s Cry for Truth
When we bury emotions to survive narcissistic abuse, it doesn’t just break our hearts—it lives in our bodies. The American Psychological Association says chronic stress from emotional suppression can weaken the immune system, raising risks for inflammation-driven diseases like cancer. The Cleveland Clinic links buried trauma to gut disorders, like irritable bowel syndrome, because our bodies hold that pain. My mom’s cancer was a heartbreaking reminder—her body carried the weight of unspoken shame, the fear of criticism, the control that demanded perfection. Her passing was a divine call to stop dismissing my pain, to stop falling into denial or toxic positivity. It’s not about blaming anyone—it’s about acknowledging the hurt, the intergenerational trauma that’s so common we think it’s just “how it is.” But it’s survival trauma, and it’s real.
Healing Core Wounds in the Nervous System
Healing those core wounds is how we break free. I used to think my worth was tied to keeping others happy, avoiding their anger or judgment. But sitting with my shame, feeling it in my body, I found a way out. Gabor Maté explains in When the Body Says No that trauma, like the fear of criticism or control, gets stuck in the nervous system, showing up as gut issues or chronic fatigue. Through somatic mindfulness—deep breaths, gentle body scans—I noticed where I held that fear: a knot in my gut, tension in my chest. Giving those sensations space helped me release the fawn and freeze responses. My digestion got better, my energy came back, and I felt safer in my own skin. It’s like my body was finally free to just be.
A Woman’s Path to Sovereignty
This is what a woman’s sovereignty looks like: refusing to let shame or control define us. My mom’s sacrifice pointed me to God’s limitless love, my true anchor. Psalm 23:1 says God is our shepherd, and we lack nothing in His care. That truth helped me set boundaries, to stop suppressing my feelings to please others. Her love showed me my worth isn’t in how others see me—it’s in God’s plan for my life, my health, my peace. Acknowledging the pain, not dismissing it, is how we heal—not to be victims, but to become whole.
An Invitation to Heal and Thrive
To every woman stuck in survival, know this: you don’t have to keep burying your pain. Healing shame and stress can free your body—your gut, your immune system, your spirit. My mom’s light inspires me to share this path, to help women release the trauma that’s been swept under the rug. I’ve poured my heart into a space where women can heal, using a complex trauma-informed approach with somatic mindfulness. Through weekly live calls, I guide you step-by-step to let go of fear, shame, and those stuck fawn and freeze responses, helping you feel whole again. Start small—take a deep breath, feel your body, and trust God’s love to guide you. Stay tuned for more on this journey to sovereignty, where your health and spirit can shine, honouring the women before us who lit the way.
