Breaking the All-or-Nothing Cycle for Authentic Success
Have you ever poured your heart into your business, going all-in with that intense energy, only to step back suddenly because it all feels too much? Like, one moment you’re obsessed, posting non-stop, tweaking ads, and dreaming big, and the next, you’re avoiding your dashboard like it’s an ex who won’t stop calling. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and it’s not just burnout. It could be a trauma bond with your business, that push-pull dynamic rooted in deeper attachment patterns. In this post, we’ll explore how to heal that relationship, stay consistent without relying on performance, and cultivate genuine presence in your entrepreneurial life. Drawing from experts like Dr. Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk, we’ll see how authenticity isn’t just good for your soul—it’s healing for your body too.
Think of it this way: your business isn’t dying when the excitement fades; it’s waiting for you to show up as you are, without the hustle mask. By the end, you’ll have practical steps to build a stable, nurturing connection—one that calls in the right people and prioritizes your well-being over endless grinding.
What Is a Trauma Bond in the Context of Entrepreneurship?
Picture this: you launch a new blog or product with that all-or-nothing vibe. You’re up late, fueled by adrenaline, convinced this is it. But after a few weeks, the high crashes. You don’t feel like posting, checking emails, or even thinking about it. Sound like a bad romance? That’s because it kind of is. A trauma bond, as described by trauma experts, often stems from intense attachments formed in response to stress or emotional voids.
In business, this shows up as codependency—treating your venture like a partner that demands constant performance to “love” you back in sales or likes. Dr. Gabor Maté explains that addictions (like urgency or productivity) originate in trauma and emotional loss, not genes, but in early environments lacking nurturing. “Dr. Maté believes that the source of addictions is not to be found in genes but in the early childhood environment,” as noted on his site. Applied to entrepreneurship, that “addiction to urgency” might come from past experiences where worth was tied to output, leading to cycles of over-attachment and avoidance.
You might recognize this in your attachment style—maybe anxious-preoccupied, where you dive deep then pull away to protect yourself. It’s unstable, exhausting, and yeah, it mirrors dating patterns too. But here’s the empathy: it’s not your fault. Society’s hustle culture reinforces it, with endless rules like “validate your idea” or “post daily or die.” You’re just responding to a system that doesn’t prioritize healing.
How Trauma Affects Your Body and Relationships in Business
Let’s get real— this isn’t just mental. Your body keeps the score, as Bessel van der Kolk famously puts it in his book of the same name. Trauma lives in your nervous system, rewiring how you handle stress. In business, that means chronic cortisol from deadlines or failures can leave you hunched over, stomach in knots, even when things are “fine.” Van der Kolk notes, “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives”.
For entrepreneurs, this hits hard. Burnout isn’t laziness; it’s your body replaying old wounds—maybe from past jobs or childhood—through hyper-vigilance (checking analytics obsessively) or shutdown (ghosting your own projects). Relationships suffer too: you might avoid collaborators because vulnerability feels risky, or over-rely on them like a codependent bond. In work environments, this ties into polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges, which explains how our autonomic nervous system shifts between safety, fight-flight, or freeze under stress. The Polyvagal Institute applies this to wellness and healthcare, showing how defensive states disrupt health.
Imagine sitting at your desk, heart racing over a low-engagement post. That’s your body in defense mode, not a sign to hustle harder. Over time, it erodes your health, making consistency impossible. But healing starts here: recognizing these patterns as protective, not problematic.
Breaking the Cycle: From Performance to Presence
Okay, so how do you shift? It’s not about forcing more action— that’s what got you here. Instead, try being with your business, no strings attached. No need to perform, say the perfect thing, or hit metrics. Just sit with it, like nurturing a relationship without expectations.
Dr. Maté emphasizes compassion over punishment for addictions: “In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts… all addictions originate in trauma and emotional loss”. Treat your business pull-back the same— with curiosity. Ask: What feelings am I avoiding? Maybe it’s fear of failure echoing old traumas.
Van der Kolk’s work suggests body-based practices to rewire this. Start small: a 90-second breath reset before work. Inhale for four counts, exhale for six, hands on thighs. This cues safety, per polyvagal principles, calming your nervous system so ideas flow without force. Tools like yoga or neurofeedback, highlighted in van der Kolk’s Trauma Research Foundation, can help too.
Presence means posting when it feels authentic, even if it’s “I don’t feel like it today.” That vulnerability? It heals. Readers connect because you’re modelling what they crave—permission to be real. Forget rigid rules; heal your relationship first, and the right people (clients, collaborators) will show up. As Maté says, the opposite of addiction is connection—nurture that with your business, and watch stability grow.
Practical Steps to Heal Your Business Relationship
Ready for action? Here’s a gentle roadmap, no overwhelm:
- Acknowledge the Bond: Journal your cycles. When do you go intense? When do you disconnect? Link it to attachment styles—resources like Maté’s books help.
- Build Safety Signals: Use polyvagal hacks daily. Try the Safe & Sound Protocol for stress reset (mentioned on Porges’ site, https://www.stephenporges.com/). Or simple: eye contact with yourself in the mirror, affirming “I’m safe to just be.”
- Invite Authenticity: Blog or post from presence. Share the mess— “My excitement faded, but I’m here anyway.” Van der Kolk’s emphasis on self-compassion shines here: treatments like MDMA-assisted therapy boost it, but start with self-talk.
- Call in Your People: Focus on healing over hustling. Your outcome? Body health—less cortisol, more ease. Attract those seeking the same through raw content.
- Seek Support: Therapy or coaching blending trauma work with business, like Marcus L. Keller’s approach.
Each step lessens intensity, building secure attachment. Remember, consistency is presence, not perfection.
Why Authenticity Heals More Than Hustle
In a world screaming “validate your idea” or “minimize risk,” choosing healing feels rebellious—but it’s powerful. Authenticity heals the body by reducing stress loops, as van der Kolk’s research shows. It invites connections that last, turning your business into a space of mutual presence.
You’re not failing when you pause; you’re recalibrating. The cycles get less extreme each time, as you learn to just be. Your business becomes a mirror for growth, not a battleground. And the real win? Waking up excited, not exhausted—body calm, relationships real.
If this resonates, start today: sit with your business in silence. No agenda. See what emerges. You’ve got this—because healing isn’t about doing more; it’s about being true.
If you’d like trauma-informed support in healing your trauma bonds in relationships and business, you may book a free consultation.
If you’re experiencing chronic symptoms in your body from stress triggers with work, business or relationships and want to explore the trauma pattern you may be cycling and stuck in, please take this short quiz to find out what’s blocking you from progressing. It’s a trauma pattern that took me almost a decade to figure out, so I highly encourage you to get clear and identify what you may be cycling in. Click here for the quiz
Sincerely,
Tracey
