By Tracey Nguyen, True Health Counselling, Published August 27, 2025
Are You Ready to Heal BPD and Transform Your Relationships?
Suppose you’re living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In that case, you know the emotional storms that can sweep through your relationships—fear of abandonment, self-doubt, or the urge to please others at the cost of your own peace. These intense feelings can leave you raw, especially after a relationship marked by narcissistic abuse or toxic dynamics. I’m Tracey Nguyen, a holistic nurse psychotherapist, and I’ve walked this path myself, navigating the highs and lows of BPD, CPTSD, and narcissistic trauma. With my lived experience and expertise, I offer a safe, empathetic space to help you heal, reclaim your voice, and build relationships that feel authentic and secure.
At True Health Counselling, our Integrative Somatic Trauma Healing Approach combines complex trauma-informed Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Somatic Experiencing, breathwork, Gestalt therapy, shadow work, and faith-based healing to guide you toward emotional stability and soul-aligned living. Whether you’re in Toronto or anywhere worldwide, our virtual therapy practice is here to support you. If past therapies haven’t worked, I invite you to book a free 15-minute consultation to discover how we can help you come home to your soul.
Heal CPTSD, Mend Narcissistic Somatic Trauma Symptoms
About True Health Counselling: As a holistic nurse psychotherapist, True Health Counselling delivers complex trauma-informed psychotherapy through The Integrative Somatic Trauma Healing Approach—a psychosomatic, mindfulness-based framework with Gestalt therapy and a faith-based lens. Specializing in CPTSD, BPD, narcissistic somatic symptoms, psychosomatic disorders, and immune dysfunction, we guide faith-oriented clients to authentic healing, safe relationships, and coming home to their souls.
Why BPD Therapy Matters for Your Healing Journey
Living with BPD can feel like riding an emotional rollercoaster, where love, arguments, and even small interactions carry intense weight. You might pour your heart into relationships, only to feel crushed by criticism or fear of rejection. Maybe you’ve walked away from a toxic relationship, but the emotional echoes—defensiveness, inconsistent love, or self-doubt—linger, seeping into new connections. Healing these patterns isn’t just about moving on; it’s about breaking cycles that keep you stuck.
As Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma from relationships, especially narcissistic abuse, is stored in the body, amplifying BPD’s emotional intensity. Similarly, Gabor Maté in The Myth of Normal highlights how early relational wounds shape patterns like fear of abandonment or people-pleasing. In my own journey, I’ve felt the pull to keep an ex close, pouring so much into the connection that I lost my grounding. It wasn’t until I recognized how my need for security veered into manipulation that I could start healing. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone—and there’s a path forward.
BPD therapy at True Health Counselling helps you process these past relationships, understand your triggers, and build healthier ways of connecting. We don’t just focus on cutting contact or setting physical boundaries; we dive into the emotional roots—those core wounds that make love feel all-consuming or arguments feel like battles for your worth. By addressing these, you can transform how you relate to others and yourself, creating relationships that feel safe and fulfilling.
Recognizing BPD Patterns: Defensiveness and Inconsistent Love
BPD often shapes how you love and argue, creating patterns that can feel overwhelming. Do you find yourself getting defensive in conflicts, as if a wall shoots up when someone’s words sting? That defensiveness is a shield, protecting vulnerable parts of you, but it can leave others feeling unheard, just as you feel dismissed. Or perhaps your love feels like a rollercoaster—intense and all-in one moment, distant or guarded the next. This inconsistency, often rooted in fear of abandonment, can make it hard to trust yourself or others.
These patterns aren’t your fault—they’re survival mechanisms, often learned in environments where love was conditional or unpredictable. As Psychology Today notes, BPD can amplify emotional responses, making small criticisms feel like attacks on your worth. In my practice, I’ve seen clients struggle with love bombing to secure a bond, only to pull back when vulnerability feels too risky. I’ve been there, too, reacting intensely to a partner’s comment because it triggered old fears of not being enough. Recognizing these tendencies is the first step to healing them, and it starts with self-compassion.
The Trauma Research Foundation emphasizes that trauma, like that from narcissistic abuse, disrupts the body’s emotional regulation, intensifying BPD symptoms. By addressing these patterns through somatic and relational therapy, you can learn to respond with calm instead of reacting from fear, fostering connections that feel steady and true.
How Defensiveness Blocks Connection
When you’re in an argument, does it feel like you’re fighting to be seen? The urge to defend yourself can be so strong that it overwhelms any chance of a genuine connection. Both you and the other person end up battling to be heard, leaving no one truly listening. It’s exhausting, and it can make relationships feel lonely, even when you crave closeness.
Defensiveness often stems from old wounds—a fear of abandonment or a belief that you must fight to be valued. As Gabor Maté explains, these patterns often trace back to early relationships where safety was inconsistent. I’ve experienced this myself, snapping at a partner over a small critique because it felt like an attack on my worth. Reflecting on it, I realized my reaction shut down communication, creating distance instead of understanding. If you’ve done this, it doesn’t make you flawed—it means you’re human, and you’re learning.
BPD therapy helps you soften this shield, turning conflicts into opportunities for connection. By practicing mindfulness, as recommended by Mindful, you can pause when defensiveness arises and ask: What am I protecting? What do I need to feel safe? Clients who practice this often find arguments become less about winning and more about mutual understanding, transforming their relationships.
Taking Accountability Without Losing Yourself
Healing BPD patterns means looking at your role in relationships without slipping into self-blame. If a harsh comment from a partner sends you spiralling into resentment or victimization, that intensity is part of BPD’s emotional lens. Your feelings are valid—you don’t deserve harshness—but amplifying the pain can keep you stuck. Taking accountability isn’t about dismissing what happened; it’s about owning what you can control.
For example, you might have gotten defensive, shutting down communication, or swung between intense love and withdrawal to protect yourself. These actions can make others feel unheard, just as you felt criticized. I’ve been there, reflecting on a past relationship where my defensiveness blocked my partner from opening up. Recognizing my contribution—without excusing their actions—helped me forgive myself and grow. As Bessel van der Kolk suggests, acknowledging your role empowers you to change patterns, not to carry shame.
In therapy, we explore: What patterns am I repeating? How can I shift them? This process, supported by Verywell Mind, helps you release resentment and build healthier dynamics. Clients often share how this shift—from victimhood to empowerment—frees them to love without fear.
Healing Modalities for BPD Recovery
At True Health Counselling, our Integrative Somatic Trauma Healing Approach combines evidence-based and faith-based methods to address BPD’s emotional storms:
- Complex Trauma-Informed DBT: Regulate emotions effectively while healing core relationship wounds, as outlined in DBT skills training.
- Somatic Experiencing and Breathwork: Release trauma stored in your emotional nervous system, supported by Somatic Experiencing International.
- Gestalt Therapy: Embrace courage and authenticity by integrating disowned parts of yourself.
- Shadow Work: Uncover hidden relationship patterns for greater self-awareness, inspired by Carl Jung’s concepts.
- Faith-Based Healing: Find peace through trust in God or a higher power, tailored to your beliefs.
These modalities, grounded in neuroscience and relational healing, create a safe space to process past pain and build emotional stability. Whether you prefer a secular or Christian lens, we tailor therapy to your unique needs, ensuring you feel seen and supported.
Practical Steps to Heal BPD Relationship Patterns
Healing from BPD and past relationships is like untangling a knot—it takes patience, but each step brings freedom. Here are practical tools to start your recovery:
- Pause and Reflect on Triggers: When defensiveness rises, take a deep breath and ask, What’s driving this reaction? Naming the trigger (e.g., fear of abandonment) helps you respond calmly.
- Own Your Part Without Shame: Journal about a past argument: What could I have done differently? Owning your role—like escalating conflicts—frees you from victimhood.
- Practice Grounded Love: Show up consistently with small, honest gestures instead of intense love bombing. This builds trust in yourself and others.
- Let Go of Control: Release the need to secure relationships by asking, Can I let this person be themselves? This reduces fear-driven manipulation.
- Build Self-Validation: When emotions overwhelm, say, My feelings are valid, and I can handle them. This reduces reliance on external approval.
- Use Mindfulness: Practice a one-minute breathing exercise when triggered to stay present, as recommended by Mindful.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Commit to checking in with your needs before agreeing to others’ demands, fostering mutual respect.
- Seek Support: Work with a trauma-informed therapist or join a BPD support group to feel less alone in your journey.
These steps, rooted in somatic and relational therapies, have helped my clients move from chaos to calm, building relationships that nurture rather than drain. You can start with one small action today, like journaling about a trigger, to begin rewriting your story.
Breaking the Cycle of Isolation
BPD can make relationships feel lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people. You might crave connection but push it away, fearing rejection or feeling like you’re “too much.” As Gabor Maté notes, this isolation often stems from early trauma, where inconsistent love taught you to guard your heart. Therapy helps you break this cycle by rebuilding trust in your emotions and fostering connections where you feel seen.
I’ve witnessed clients shift from solitary struggles to supportive relationships, finding joy in authentic connections. By addressing defensiveness and inconsistent love, you create space for intimacy that feels safe and steady. It’s not about erasing your emotions—it’s about learning to hold them with compassion, so you can show up fully in relationships.
Embracing Vulnerability as Strength
Vulnerability can feel terrifying with BPD, like exposing your heart to potential pain. But it’s also your greatest strength. As Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes, embracing vulnerability allows the body to release stored trauma, opening the door to healing. When you share your true self—flaws and all—you invite deeper connections. I’ve seen this in my own journey, where letting go of defensiveness transformed my relationships from battlegrounds to safe havens.
Start small: the next time you feel defensive, try saying, I feel hurt, can we talk about this? It’s scary, but it’s a step toward connection. Clients who practice this often find that vulnerability builds trust, not weakness, creating relationships where they feel valued for who they are.
Rewriting Your Relationship Story
Healing BPD patterns is like rewriting a story you’ve carried for years—perhaps one where you’re always hurt or fighting to be seen. These narratives come from real pain, but they don’t have to define your future. As Psychology Today suggests, reframing your story empowers you to create healthier dynamics. Imagine relationships where arguments don’t spiral, where love feels steady, and where you trust yourself to handle challenges. That’s what therapy can help you achieve.
Try this: pick a painful memory from a past relationship. Write what happened, then ask, What’s the story I’m telling myself? For me, I once replayed arguments, convinced they proved I was unlovable. Challenging that story—seeing how my reactions fueled the fire—helped me let go. You can rewrite your story, too, with each step toward healing.
Start Your Healing Journey Today
You don’t have to navigate BPD’s emotional storms alone. At True Health Counselling, I offer a compassionate, trauma-informed space to help you release past pain, reclaim your voice, and build healthier relationships. Contact us at 647-980-8734 or truehealthcounselling@gmail.com to book a free 15-minute consultation. With limited spots available, visit https://www.truehealthcounselling.com/contact to take the first step toward healing and wholeness today.
Citation: Nguyen, T. (2025, August 27). Heal BPD Emotional Storms: Reclaim Your Voice and Find Peace. True Health Counselling. https://www.truehealthcounselling.com/bpd-therapy
Tags: BPD therapy, narcissistic abuse recovery, CPTSD healing, somatic therapy, trauma-informed therapy, faith-based therapy, emotional regulation, Gestalt therapy, shadow work, relational healing, Toronto therapy, virtual counselling, Bessel van der Kolk, Gabor Maté, DBT therapy
