Have you ever been swept up in a love that feels like a drug? You know, that rush where the conversation flows like you’re on the same wavelength. It’s electric—texts buzzing, a spiritual connection that lights you up, maybe a kiss that’s pure fire. But then the lows hit—hard. The guy ghosts, becomes selfish, dismissive, avoidant, or worse, throws out hurtful words. A friend of mine got caught up with a guy, let’s call him J, who seemed perfect until his drunk, verbally abusive side showed. Sound familiar? That’s the cycle of toxic relationships, and healing from toxic relationships starts with finding stability in your own heart.
The Highs and Lows of Toxic Love
You meet someone, and it’s like a spark ignites. You’re vibing, sharing your heart, feeling that borderline symptoms kind of intensity where every moment feels huge. But then they pull back—maybe they’re inconsistent, dismissive, or straight-up mean. That’s the trap of narcissistic abuse recovery. The highs make you feel alive, but the lows leave you with this aching emptiness, like you’re not enough. If you grew up with narcissistic abuse, this might feel like home—wired from childhood to chase love that hurts, to be codependent (learn about codependency).
Why It Hurts More with Narcissistic Abuse
If you’ve faced narcissistic abuse, you might’ve been taught young to put others’ needs first—a parent, a partner—leaving you addicted to their pain, not knowing how to sit with your own emotions. It’s why breaking trauma bonds feels so hard. You’re not just letting go of a person; you’re rewiring how you feel love. That emptiness or loneliness? It’s heavier because it’s tied to those old patterns, making you cling to the chaos you know (understand narcissistic abuse).
Building a Consistent Heart
Here’s the real deal: emotional healing starts with you. It’s about sitting with that emptiness, those raw feelings of pain or loneliness, instead of chasing another high. Try taking a deep breath, letting that chest tightness soften, like in somatic practices from Letting Go by David R. Hawkins (explore somatic healing). It’s not easy, but this is where sovereignty begins. When you learn to be with yourself, you stop tolerating abusive or dismissive behaviour. You realize you deserve better because you’re enough.
Stability for Your Health
This work isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about your health. If you deal with chronic health issues, that stress from chasing unstable love can mess with your emotional nervous system, keeping you in fight-or-flight mode. That takes a toll—think anxiety, fatigue, or worse (how stress impacts health). However, when you cultivate a stable heart, your nervous system calms, paving the way for improved health. A steady heart means less chaos, more peace, and a stronger you.
Finding a Steady Love
Imagine a love that doesn’t swing from highs to lows. A guy who shows up—texts back, listens to your heart, and keeps his word. It might feel boring at first, especially if you’re used to drama. But when you’re not afraid to be alone, you stop settling for less. Borderline and codependency therapy can help rewire those patterns, teaching you to value steady love (find therapy resources).
Take the Next Step
If you’re feeling that emptiness right now, don’t chase another high. Try something small—journal your feelings, play a song that feels like a hug, or breathe through the heaviness. You’re on a path to narcissistic abuse recovery, and it starts with loving yourself. Ready to build that stable heart? Reach out for support at True Health Counselling to find therapy that guides you to sovereignty. You deserve a solid love, not a drug—and it begins with you.
