Healing narcissistic traits isn’t about pointing fingers or slapping a label on someone else as “the narcissist.” It’s about turning inward, noticing those moments when we cling to our own opinions, get defensive, or try to control how others think or feel. We all have layers of narcissism—it’s part of being human. But taking the brave step to heal those traits means facing shame, softening defences, and learning to honour everyone’s unique journey. If you’re ready to let go of those walls and step into your authentic, worthy self, this guide is for you. You’re not alone, and there’s no shame in showing up for this work.
What Are Narcissistic Traits?
Narcissistic traits show up when we hold our thoughts and feelings as the only truth. Maybe you’ve felt that spark of defensiveness when someone challenges your perspective—like preferring natural healing over medication. There’s nothing wrong with your view; it’s shaped by your story, your experiences, your heart. But when we expect others to adopt our way of thinking or dismiss their feelings to prove we’re right, that’s where narcissism sneaks in.
It’s not about being a bad person. It’s about a protective wall we build to avoid feeling wrong, small, or unworthy. That wall often hides deep shame—maybe from childhood, when our feelings weren’t validated or we were made to feel “less than.” So, we push our perspectives forward, seeking control to feel seen and heard. Healing starts when we notice this pattern—when we catch ourselves getting stubborn or righteous in a conversation—and choose to pause instead of pushing.
Why Healing Narcissism Feels So Hard
Healing narcissistic traits can feel like climbing a mountain because it means facing shame head-on. When someone says, “Hey, you hurt my feelings,” it’s easy to snap back, to defend ourselves as right. That defensiveness is a shield, protecting us from feeling smaller or wrong. But letting go of that shield doesn’t make you weak—it makes you brave.
Shame whispers that we’re not enough, so we double down, insisting our way is the only way. For example, you might strongly believe in natural healing, and that’s valid. But someone choosing medication isn’t wrong—they’re just at a different point in their journey. Their story, their needs, and their evolution are unique. Narcissism tells us everyone should be like us, but healing means recognizing that we don’t know their full story—and we don’t need to. Letting go of that need to control opens up space for empathy and connection.
The hardest part? Dropping that shield means feeling vulnerable. It’s scary to admit we might’ve hurt someone or been wrong, because shame can feel like a tidal wave. But that vulnerability is where growth happens. It’s where we start to see that our worth doesn’t depend on being right or in control.
How to Start Healing Narcissistic Traits
You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. Healing narcissistic traits is a journey of small, intentional steps. Here are five gentle ways to release shame, soften defensiveness, and honour both your truth and others’:
1. Pause and Notice Your Defensiveness
Next time you feel that urge to argue or prove your point, take a breath. Ask yourself, Am I reacting to protect my ego? Maybe someone disagrees with your stance on natural healing, and you feel attacked. That’s your defensiveness kicking in. Instead of firing back, try saying, “I hear you,” and sit with the discomfort. This pause creates space for reflection and connection, rather than conflict.
Exercise: Keep a small notebook or note on your phone. For one week, jot down moments when you feel defensive. Note what triggered it and how you responded. This isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about building awareness.
2. Embrace Shame as a Teacher
Shame feels heavy, but it’s a signal pointing to old wounds. When you feel the need to control a conversation or insist on being right, ask, What am I afraid of feeling? Maybe it’s the fear of being “less than” or unworthy. Instead of pushing it away, lean into it gently. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend can help you process shame without getting stuck in it.
Exercise: Write a letter to your younger self, the one who first felt shame or wasn’t validated. Tell them they’re enough, just as they are. This can help soften those old wounds and remind you that shame doesn’t define you.
3. Validate Others’ Perspectives
You don’t have to agree with everyone, but you can honour their feelings. If someone shares a different view, try saying, “I see why you feel that way,” before sharing your own. It’s not about forcing your perspective or dismissing theirs—it’s about coexisting. This simple shift builds trust and reduces the need to control how others think.
Exercise: Practice active listening for one day. When someone shares their thoughts, focus on understanding, not responding. Reflect what you heard, like, “It sounds like you’re saying…” This helps you validate their experience without needing to “win.”
4. Let Go of Being Right
Healing narcissism means detaching from the idea that your thoughts define your worth. Your opinions—like choosing natural healing—are valid, but they’re not the whole truth. Practice saying, “This is how I see it, but I’m open to other views.” It’s liberating to let others be themselves without needing to change them or prove your point.
Exercise: Try a “no-debate” day. When you feel the urge to argue, say, “That’s an interesting perspective,” and let it go. Notice how it feels to release the need to be right. It’s not about giving up your voice—it’s about making space for others.
5. Seek Support to Go Deeper
Healing shame and control can feel overwhelming alone. A therapist, coach, or supportive community can hold space for you to explore these patterns without judgment. You’re not fixing a broken self—you’re uncovering the authentic, worthy you beneath those layers of defensiveness.
Exercise: Reflect on one person or resource (a friend, therapist, or even a book like The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown) that feels safe. Reach out or engage with those who support this week, even if it’s just a small step like scheduling a call.
You’re Not Alone in This
If you’re reading this and feeling a mix of relief, unease, or even a little exposed, take a deep breath. Recognizing narcissistic traits in yourself is a courageous act. It’s not about being a narcissist or a villain—it’s about being human in a world that often teaches us to hide our vulnerabilities. So many of us carry shame from unvalidated feelings, neglect, or past wounds. That’s not a flaw—it’s a shared experience.
We all have unique stories. Someone’s choice—to take medication, to live differently, to believe something else—is right for them in their journey. Narcissism tells us everyone should align with our way, but healing means letting go of that expectation. It’s about dropping the defences, facing the shame, and realizing you’re enough without needing to control others’ thoughts or feelings. It’s about coexisting, where you can be you, and they can be them, without judgment or resistance.
Why Healing Narcissism Matters
Healing narcissistic traits isn’t just about you—it’s about the ripple effect. When you soften your defences, you create space for deeper connections. You allow others to feel seen and heard, just as you’ve longed to be. You model what it looks like to grow, to be vulnerable, and to honour differences. And in doing so, you free yourself from the weight of shame and the need to control.
This journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress—small moments of awareness, like catching yourself before an argument or validating someone’s feelings even when you disagree. Each step brings you closer to your authentic self, the one who’s worthy and whole without needing to prove it.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you’re ready to explore healing narcissistic traits—or if you’re navigating the challenge of someone else’s narcissism—let’s connect. Book a free consultation to dive deeper into uncovering your authentic self, free from shame and control. This is a safe space to explore, grow, and embrace your worth.
Thanks for being here, for showing up, and for reading. You’re not broken—you’re on a journey, and every step counts. Keep shining, keep growing, and I’ll see you in the next post.
