Safety note: If you are in danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
I want to talk to the Christian woman who keeps getting sick around him.
Every time you see him, every time you message him, every time you spend a weekend with him — your body has a response. Nausea. A pounding headache. Stomach issues you cannot trace. A flu that does not make sense given what has been going around. Insomnia, then exhaustion.
You have explained it away as stress. As a coincidence. As “I have not been taking care of myself.” You have told yourself the body has nothing to do with the relationship.
I want to share what I see in this work.
Your body has been telling you the truth for months. Maybe years. The illnesses are not random. They are direct communication from a system God designed to keep you safe. And until you listen, your body will keep speaking louder.
What the Body Knows Before the Mind Will
The body picks up things the analytical mind refuses to admit. It registers tone of voice. Microexpressions. The chemistry of fear in a room. The energetic weight of a person before he even speaks. It records all of this faster than your conscious mind can process.
When the body registers a threat that the mind is busy explaining away, it does not shut up. It produces symptoms. The stomach lining inflames. The headaches start. The immune system suppresses. You get sick.
This is not your body failing you. This is your body refusing to let you ignore something true.
For the woman who has been in an abusive relationship, the somatic symptoms are often the most reliable data she has. The mind has been gaslit. The emotions have been dysregulated. The spirit feels confused. But the body keeps reporting clearly. Every time you see him: nausea. Every time you read his message: headache. Every time you are physically near him: a wave of body symptoms that does not fit any other explanation.
That is data. Listen to it.
The Affection Withdrawal Signal
There is another body signal I want to name, because most women do not realize it is data.
When a woman has been in an abusive relationship and her body starts to actually withdraw — not consciously, but somatically — she finds physical affection has become hard. She cannot make herself want him. The intimacy that used to be easy now requires effort. She might find herself recoiling, pulling away, going numb. Her body has decided it is done before her mind has.
I want to tell you what that means. That is your body completing the detachment your mind has been trying to do for months. The body is ahead of the mind. The fact that you cannot make yourself respond to him physically anymore is not a problem to be solved. It is your body’s clearest vote of “I am out.” Honor it.
When that signal appears, your job is not to push past it. Your job is to receive it as the green light it is. Your body has decided. Now your mind catches up.
The Sickness Cycle
Many of the women I sit with describe the same pattern.
She sees him on a Friday. By Sunday she is sick. By Tuesday she is recovering. By Friday she is fine. The next visit, the cycle repeats.
Or she answers his text on a Monday morning. By Monday afternoon she has a headache. By Tuesday she is exhausted in a way the workday does not explain.
The body is producing symptoms in direct correlation with exposure to him. That is not anxiety. That is a body that has classified him as a stressor and is responding accordingly. Every single time.
Listen to this. The body is not malfunctioning. The body is functioning exactly correctly. The malfunction is the mind that keeps insisting he is not the problem.
What Listening to the Body Looks Like
Start a log. Not a complicated one. Just a note on your phone. Every time you have physical symptoms — nausea, headache, body aches, exhaustion, insomnia — write down what happened in the 24 hours before. What contact you had. What message you read. What conversation you had.
After two weeks, look at the pattern. The correlation will be obvious. The body will have made its case in your own data.
Then make the decision. The body has been advocating for you all along. Now you advocate for it.
The Spiritual Dimension
God designed the body. He made it as part of the temple. He did not make a separate spirit-life and body-life. He made one integrated person, and the body is His sensor for His daughter’s safety as much as the spirit is.
When your body is screaming and you are ignoring it in the name of being spiritually mature, you are not actually being spiritually mature. You are being disconnected from the very system He designed to protect you.
Listening to your body is not less holy than listening to the Holy Spirit. Often, the body is one of the ways the Holy Spirit is speaking. The nausea you feel around him may be the most articulate prayer your body has prayed in years. Receive it.
The Body After He Is Gone
I want to tell you what happens to the body of the woman who finally goes no-contact.
In the first weeks, the body crashes. It has been holding tension and stress responses for so long that releasing them feels chaotic. The headaches may worsen for a season. The exhaustion is real. The body is decompressing from a long-held position.
After a few months, something else happens. The body starts to relax. The stomach issues calm down. The headaches become rare. The sleep deepens. The skin clears. The body that has been screaming for months starts to quiet, because the threat is finally gone.
The women I sit with often report that they did not realize how unwell their body was until it started getting well. The wellness is the data. The wellness is the proof. The body that finally has access to safety reveals what was happening all along.
Frequently Asked Questions
Could my physical symptoms really be from the relationship?
Yes. Chronic stress affects digestion, immune function, sleep, and pain. If symptoms correlate with contact, they are almost certainly connected.
What if my body symptoms started after he left?
Withdrawal from a trauma bond is its own physical process. The body that has been in chronic stress often crashes when the threat is removed.
Why do I feel physically averse to physical affection with him?
Because your body has completed the detachment your mind is still working on. That aversion is your nervous system’s clear vote. Receive it.
If You Are Tired of Ignoring Your Body
If something in you exhaled reading this — if you sensed God say yes, your body has been telling you the truth — I would love to walk this with you.
I offer a free 15-minute consultation for Christian women in narcissistic abuse recovery learning to listen to the body God gave them.
Book your free 15-minute consultation here.
Your body has been speaking. Now let’s listen together.
