I want to give you a red flag that many people I sit with have found clarifying.
The person, or the person’s inner circle, who constantly talks about how good they are is almost never the actually good person in the room.
There is a specific quality to constantly-advertised goodness. It has an insistent, protests-too-much quality. It almost always indicates the reputation is doing work — being cultivated because something underneath needs cover.
Why This Matters
For a specific kind of person — raised in an authoritarian environment, with morality OCD, outsourcing moral judgment — this red flag is critical. You are especially susceptible to being manipulated by performed goodness.
The Signatures
Brings up goodness unprompted.
Examples are specific and flattering.
Criticism is not tolerated.
Inner circle mirrors the message.
Goodness is asserted rather than demonstrated.
People who leave become villains.
Humility is showcased.
Small people around them experience harm they cannot name.
How to Build Discernment
Notice the pattern.
Watch what they actually do.
Notice how they respond to disagreement.
Pay attention to how they talk about people who left.
Notice how you feel in their presence.
Trust your gut.
A Gentle Invitation
If something here met you and you’d like to talk it through, I offer a free 15-minute consultation.
