I know how confusing it is when you can see the gaslighting, and still can’t stop believing it.
You write down the things you heard growing up. You recognize them. And then, mid-sentence, your mind goes foggy. Part of you says that was wrong, and another part says maybe they were right about me.
That’s not you being weak. That’s how deep the conditioning goes.
When the Wound Becomes Who You Are
With complex trauma, CPTSD, and sometimes BPD, the past wound becomes so embedded it forms your identity. It’s not just something that happened to you. It feels like who you are.
So when you try to heal it, it can feel like you’re losing yourself. Of course that’s frightening.
Why CPTSD Healing Isn’t Linear
Healing means returning to the original wound, again and again, and quieting it. Not once. Many times. That’s why CPTSD recovery spirals instead of moving in a straight line. Every return is progress, even when it feels like going backwards.
I still have residual gaslighting thoughts sometimes. A voice that asks, Is the Word really true? What I’ve learned is to trust my spirit’s discernment of God’s truth, the truth I’ve felt in my body and heart both.
Dying to Self and Finding Identity in Christ
When the identity built around trauma is unbearable, there’s another way home. Dying to self. Letting the wounded identity go, and receiving a new one in Christ.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (WEB)
This isn’t spiritual bypassing. You still feel it to heal it. But you don’t have to build your whole sense of self on the wound anymore.
I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me.
Galatians 2:20 (WEB)
A Practice for This Week
When a heavy belief about yourself shows up, pause. Ask: Is this really true? Whose voice is this? Then offer it to God, and remind yourself who He says you are.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (WEB)
Key takeaways
- Seeing gaslighting and still half-believing it shows how deep conditioning goes, not weakness.
- With CPTSD, the original wound can become your identity.
- Healing means returning to the wound again and again; recovery spirals rather than moving in a line.
- Trusting your spirit’s discernment of God’s truth helps quiet residual gaslighting thoughts.
- Dying to self lets the wounded identity go and receives a new one in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- This isn’t bypassing: you still feel it to heal it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does CPTSD feel like part of my identity?
Because complex trauma is repeated and early, the wound can become woven into how you see yourself, so healing can feel like losing yourself.
Why isn’t CPTSD healing linear?
Healing involves returning to the original wound many times and quieting it. Each return is progress, even when it feels like going backwards.
What does identity in Christ mean for trauma survivors?
It means you don’t have to build your sense of self on the wound. In Christ you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), while still feeling and healing the pain.
How do I stop believing gaslighting from my past?
Write down the messages, notice when they arise, ask ‘Is this really true?’, and anchor in God’s truth as you’ve felt it in your body and heart.
If you are a Christian healing trauma and want support, learn about faith-based Christian counselling Toronto (online across Ontario), or working with a narcissistic abuse therapist Toronto trusts.
If the wound has started to feel like who you are, there is a way home. I offer faith-based, trauma-informed therapy for Christians healing CPTSD.
Book a free consult or 60-minute session
Can’t find a time that works, or want to reach Tracey directly? Send a message or email truehealthcounselling@gmail.com.
🦋 Body to Business Portal: you are the medicine, healing yourself is the business. · ✝️ Christian counselling for faith-based trauma healing. · 🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Educational only. Not a substitute for individual therapy or medical care.
