I want to talk to the adult who cannot trust their own judgment.
Every decision has to be run past someone. You cannot buy a purchase, take a job, end a friendship without checking with a trusted authority first.
You were raised in an authoritarian household. Decisions came from above. Your job was to comply. By adulthood, the muscle for internal decision-making had never been built.
This is not your fault. You can, in adulthood, build the compass you did not get to build as a child.
What Authoritarian Parenting Was
High demands, low warmth. Rules were absolute. Explanation was minimal. Questioning was punished. Emotions dismissed. External conformity was the goal. Moral judgment came from above.
What the Wound Looks Like
Chronic decision anxiety. Outsourced moral judgment. Susceptibility to authoritative voices. Difficulty knowing what you want. Constant self-doubt. Overreliance on rules. Perfectionism. Chronic guilt.
How to Build Internal Authority
One: notice when you are outsourcing.
Two: practice making small decisions without consultation.
Three: notice what you actually think or feel.
Four: distinguish your values from what you were told to value.
Five: trust yourself in small stakes.
Six: tolerate uncertainty.
Seven: work with a therapist.
Eight: be careful about authoritative voices.
A Gentle Invitation
If something here met you and you’d like to talk it through, I offer a free 15-minute consultation.
