I want to talk to the person who is quietly codependent to a friend without realizing it.
You constantly want her to approve of your decisions. You have never been able to confront her. Her assessment of your character carries more weight than your own.
Codependency can happen in any relationship where you have outsourced your sense of okay-ness to another person.
What It Looks Like
You want her to weigh in on decisions where her input is not needed. You cannot confront her. You cannot tolerate her disapproval. You measure yourself against her. You seek her out when struggling. You feel guilty with other people. You feel destabilized by any coolness.
Why This Forms
She resembles a parent. She fills a hole your original attachments left. She has qualities you have outsourced. Wired for hierarchy from authoritarian childhood.
How to Unwind It
One: name it accurately.
Two: notice the seeking in real time.
Three: hold your own opinion first.
Four: allow her disapproval to exist without managing it.
Five: rebalance your relational world.
Six: address the underlying attachment.
A Gentle Invitation
If something here met you and you’d like to talk it through, I offer a free 15-minute consultation.
