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I want to talk about the moment when you leave.
You know the moment. You are in a conversation, or reading something, or lying in bed, and something comes up — a memory, a feeling, a body sensation — and suddenly you are not there anymore. The world gets flat. You go numb. You watch yourself from a little distance. Time gets strange.
This is dissociation. It is a survival response. It is not a character flaw and it is not a spiritual failing. It is what a nervous system that has been overwhelmed learned to do to protect itself.
I want to share what I see in this work.
The dissociation itself is not the problem. It served a purpose then. The problem is that most people who dissociate have never been taught how to come back — gently, safely, in the present, when the original threat is no longer there.
What Dissociation Feels Like
You feel far from your body — like you are watching yourself from behind or above.
You feel numb. Not sad, not scared. Just… nothing.
Time skips. You look at the clock and an hour has passed and you cannot account for it.
Your voice sounds like it is coming from someone else.
You feel like you are behind glass, or in a fog, or watching a movie of your own life.
Physical sensations are dulled.
The Foundational Practice: Notice Without Judgment
The first move is not to force yourself back. It is to notice, kindly, that you have gone somewhere.
Silently, in your own head: “I’m noticing I’ve left. That’s okay. I’m safe. I can come back.”
Kind noticing is what opens the door back.
Practice One: Bilateral Tapping
Cross your arms in front of your chest, hands resting on your opposite shoulders — like giving yourself a soft hug.
Slowly, gently, tap your shoulders alternately. Left, right, left, right. Slower than a heartbeat. Not urgent.
Keep tapping for about a minute or two. If words help, say to yourself, softly, in rhythm with the tapping: “I am here. I am safe. I am here. I am safe.”
Practice Two: Hand on Heart
Bring your hand to your chest. Palm over your heart. Feel the warmth of your own hand.
Take one long, slow breath. Feel your chest rise into your palm and fall away from it. Repeat two or three times.
Silently: “I am here with me. This is my body. I am safe right now.”
Practice Three: Breathing Through Numbness
Long exhales. Breathe in for a count of four. Breathe out for a count of eight. Do this ten times.
Shake. Stand up if you can. Let your arms shake out. Let your hips loosen.
Move to music. Put on a song you actually like. Let your body respond.
Cold water. Splash cold water on your face. Hold ice cubes for thirty seconds.
Practice Four: The Self-Soothing Statements
- “It’s safe to feel this.”
- “I can come back.”
- “I’m here. I’m okay right now.”
- “This is a memory, not what’s happening now.”
- “I’m allowed to take my time.”
When to Get Support
If you are dissociating for hours at a time, multiple times a day, or in ways that concern you — please get professional help. A trauma-informed therapist trained in EMDR, IFS, or Somatic Experiencing can walk you through the deeper healing work.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I dissociate less over time?
Yes. As the underlying trauma gets processed and your nervous system builds new capacity, dissociation becomes less frequent and shorter.
What if I dissociate in public?
Hand on heart works anywhere. Long exhales work anywhere. Even a subtle grounding practice is better than none.
Should I stop myself from dissociating?
Not force. Notice. Gently redirect. Curiosity works better than fight.
A Gentle Invitation
If something here met you and you’d like to talk it through, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. No pressure to begin anything — just a quiet conversation to see if this is the kind of support that fits.
Book a free 15-minute consultation.
You don’t have to do this alone.
