If you’re an empath or a healer and you’re struggling with boundaries, if you lose yourself very easily to the outside world, to people, to your business, this is for you. I’m sharing what I’ve learned over a decade of healing boundaries, coming from someone who had negative boundaries.
Negative Boundaries Were My Identity
I didn’t even have no boundaries. I had negative boundaries. Zero boundaries would have been better than what I had. I was flipped inside out. Negative boundaries were my identity, through and through.
I went through so much incredible pain and healing, cycling through things for years that I didn’t need to cycle through. But because I had no boundaries, I just kept cycling through it.
Why Saying No or Going No Contact Isn’t Enough for Empaths
What I’ve learned so far in my journey is that deep boundaries are not something we can just enforce verbally. That’s just one way of saying it. Going no contact, or putting physical distance between you and the thing you have no boundaries with, doesn’t work on its own for empaths and healers. We are open on levels that are psychic, that cut through so much.
That’s why when we heal boundaries, we are essentially healing our relationship with the world. When we reclaim ourselves as a healthy, separate person, the world is ours. It’s so hard, but it’s absolutely worth it. There’s such a superpower in going through this.
Being Open Without Discernment Is What Hurts You
With an empath, especially if you grew up in a very toxic, abusive household like myself, you’re trained and conditioned from a very young age to be so open. So easily suggested. You would just absorb it.
And it’s good to be open. Being open is a beautiful thing. But being open without boundaries and with no discernment, that’s what hurts you.
Being open becomes an identity. It’s an empath identity, but it’s a wounded identity. When you’re open, you can merge with your environment and get absorbed. That is like enmeshment on psychic, intuitive levels. You can read people and energies so easily, but with no boundaries, you’re taking it all in.
The Narcissist Relationship Inside You
That happens because somewhere inside you there’s a deep relationship with a narcissist, or an abusive person, who has taken advantage of your boundaries. So naturally you’re just always open, and you don’t even realize that it’s an abused identity. If this is part of your story, my narcissistic abuse therapy page shares more about how I work.
Giving Your Heart and Soul to Everyone
That whole “I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m so open to the world.” A lot of unhealed empaths give themselves away emotionally to anything and anyone. I was like that my whole life as an empath. If your energetic field, your heart and your soul had legs, they’d be wide open. There are no boundaries in that.
So you take in all the toxic energies, all the good, everything. And then you have to spend so much time recovering, regulating your emotions, releasing things. I remember in my early unhealed empath days, I needed so much time to recover and regulate my nervous system. And it looked like I was just really open and really friendly. It didn’t look like something was wrong.
Why Empaths Get Hurt So Easily
I never knew why I used to get hurt so easily. It’s because I gave people my heart, my soul, with no discernment and no boundaries. Then they would hurt me, and I’d feel like such a victim. I thought the world was being really mean to me. But it was because I had no boundaries in life.
Some people are unhealed and have their own issues, and we have our own issues. Not everybody is going to like you, and that’s okay. But if we don’t have any discernment and we’re getting hurt very easily, it’s because we think everybody is good. The unhealed, immature empath is extremely naive. I was so naive. I thought everyone was there to love, because I needed love. I was projecting that onto the whole world.
The First Step
If you’re struggling with boundaries, think about where you’re giving yourself away. How open are you? Is there discernment? That’s the first step, because awakening to this completely changed everything for me.
Key takeaways
- For empaths, boundaries go deeper than saying no or going no contact.
- Being open is beautiful; being open without discernment is what hurts.
- An always-open empath identity is often a wounded identity, tied to a relationship with a narcissist or abusive person.
- The first step: notice where you’re too open.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do empaths have weak boundaries?
Many empaths, especially those who grew up in a toxic or abusive home, were conditioned from a very young age to be completely open. Being open is beautiful, but without boundaries and discernment it becomes a wounded identity.
Is going no contact enough for an empath?
Not on its own. Empaths are open on deeper levels, so healing boundaries means healing your relationship with the world, not only putting physical distance between you and someone.
Why do empaths get hurt so easily?
Without discernment, we give our heart to everyone and assume everyone is good. That naivety often comes from needing love and projecting it onto the world.
If you’re an empath who loses yourself easily, you don’t have to untangle it alone.
Can’t find a time that works, or want to reach Tracey directly? Send a message or email truehealthcounselling@gmail.com.
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