Are you a Christian, a believer, a follower of Christ? Or are you spiritual, and you believe in the universe and in energy? I speak to all of you.
I’m going to use the word God, because that’s what resonates with me today. A long time ago I got triggered by the word God. A friend would talk about it and I’d be like, stop talking about God, I can’t hear about God.
Why the Word God Can Be Triggering
There’s a lot of energy around the word God in church. Sometimes there’s bypassing. Sometimes it’s disembodied, there’s a disconnect. And people have been traumatized by the church. I didn’t go to church growing up, but I know people got traumatized by it.
So if the word God is hard for you, feel free to replace it with universe, energy, love, cosmos, whatever. But for me, on my spiritual journey, I have arrived at a relationship with God, and it’s a felt thing.
Revelation Through Pain, Healing and the Heart
My conviction comes through pain, healing and revelation, through the heart and the flesh. My flesh died for me to know this. Everything I say about God, the flesh died to know it, and it continues to die to self all the time. The grief work is insane.
I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me.
Galatians 2:20 (WEB)
How Do I Love God First? I Didn’t Get It
If you’re an empath, a healer, a love addict, codependent, with no boundaries, and you’ve gotten hurt by the world: love God first.
I think a lot of us don’t get it. Someone would quote the first commandment, love God first and then love your neighbour, and I’d be like, yeah, okay. I didn’t feel it. I was disconnected from it. How do I love God first? As a deep feeler, as an empath, I just didn’t get it. Maybe one day.
Through Grief, I Finally Understood
But through grief, I got it. Through intense grief. Through grieving everyone I ever loved so deeply. Through grieving the people I loved the most, because there was death, because there was a breakup.
When I went through that grief, my love had nowhere to go except the world. But I knew that loving the world was not safe. I knew I needed boundaries, and that exposing my love like that to the world wasn’t going to be good for my growth as an empath. That’s when the revelation came: I’ve got to love God first.
Grieve the People You Love Who Hurt You
If you’re trying to figure out how to love God first and you don’t get it: grief. Grieve the people you love who hurt you. Grieve the needs you have of others. Have a retreat, and go through the grief.
Reaching the End of Yourself
When you reach the end of loving people who’ve hurt you, when you reach the end of loving the world and projecting that love onto the world, you reach the end of yourself. That’s what grief is.
You reach the end of loving from your smaller self, your survival identity. And when you reach the end of your survival identity, your true self comes through. Your true self wants to love God. Your soul loves God.
What Happened Energetically: I Felt Alive
When you keep loving God, and direct that love energy upwards, vertically, what do you think happens energetically? I kept grieving and projecting all of my love onto the eternal Creator, the eternal love. And do you know what happened to me? I felt alive. Aliveness through my body. The love just flowed.
It just made sense. I was loving so strongly in the wrong place first. First commandment: love God first. I get it now.
Seeking Reciprocity in Trauma Bonds
When you love people who hurt you and they don’t give that love back, it’s not reciprocated. I kept looking for reciprocity in people, and I kept attracting trauma bonds. I would just get hurt. This attachment style was hurting me. I was seeking love and it was hurting me.
And then I found out I can love the eternal Creator. I don’t have to chase this love, and that love will just pour right back to me. When you direct your love energy unto the Creator, unto the eternal love, you just feel light.
We love Him, because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19 (WEB)
The Living Scripture: Love God First
There was no label, no theology, no scripture that told me to do this in that moment. That’s when the revelation came through me, and the living scripture came through me: love God first.
So if you want to heal the suffering from the way you love, and you’ve reached the end of yourself because your love life was so painful: grieve. Grieve everything. Stick with it, and you will see that you can just love the eternal Creator.
Key takeaways
- If the word God is triggering, it’s okay to start with love, energy or the eternal.
- Many empaths don’t understand ‘love God first’ until grief brings them to the end of themselves.
- Loving the world isn’t always safe for an empath; boundaries matter.
- Grieve the people you love who hurt you, and the needs you have of others.
- When the survival identity ends, the true self comes through, and it wants to love God.
- Seeking reciprocity in trauma bonds keeps you hurt; loving the eternal Creator lets love pour back.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I love God first?
Often through grief: when you’ve reached the end of loving people who couldn’t love you back, you direct that love vertically to God. Your true self wants to love God.
What if the word God triggers me?
Many people were hurt by a disembodied or traumatizing version of religion. You can begin with words like love, the eternal, or the Creator, and let the relationship grow.
Why do empaths keep ending up in trauma bonds?
Because they keep looking for reciprocity from people who can’t give it. Loving God first breaks that cycle.
What does reaching the end of yourself mean?
It’s the end of loving from your survival identity. Grief takes you there, and your true self comes through.
If you are healing from a trauma bond and want support, learn about working with a narcissistic abuse therapist Toronto empaths trust, or about faith-based Christian counselling Toronto (online across Ontario).
If you’ve reached the end of yourself after loving people who hurt you, you don’t have to walk through the grief alone. I help empaths heal trauma bonds with faith at the centre.
Book a free consult or 60-minute session
Can’t find a time that works, or want to reach Tracey directly? Send a message or email truehealthcounselling@gmail.com.
🦋 Body to Business Portal: you are the medicine, healing yourself is the business. · ✝️ Christian counselling for faith-based trauma healing. · 🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts.
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