If you’re an empath, a highly sensitive person, a healer, a Christian, a believer in God, or even a believer in the universe, this one is for you.
I recently went through a really profound, life-changing experience, and I wanted to share it with you, because I believe it’s going to change your life too. This is something you have to anchor in your life with conviction.
Love Addiction, Codependency and Trauma Bonds
Historically, I went through love addiction and codependency recovery. What that really means is people pleasing, loving others, and being addicted to love. Being addicted to narcissists who hurt me. Trauma bonding, and the addiction of it all.
It was very, very painful to heal. Extremely painful. I can’t even tell you.
Empaths Bleed Love
Empaths are lovers. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. Our hearts bleed love. We have all this love to give, and we’ve given it, and we loved and loved and loved, and we got hurt. We love till the ends of the earth. If you are a healer, you have the capacity to love the world.
I’ve loved men who have hurt me, with no end. At one point I had Stockholm syndrome. I was protective of the abusive person in my life. I was just caretaking them, a total empath caretaker. It is the most painful thing ever, to love like that.
Why Our Love Isn’t Reciprocated
What it took for me to heal this trauma bond, this love addiction, this caretaking, codependent style of love, was to actually realize: I’m bleeding love for people who don’t love me like that back. It’s not reciprocal. I’d always felt like it was one way. Why do I love so much, and I don’t get this love back?
But we love so hard because we’re actually projecting how much love we need. And the other part is true too: we are just big lovers at heart.
My Healing Retreat: Letting Go of Every Vice
The thing that got me to heal was kind of a crazy process. I got rid of all the vices in my life, and I went through a retreat for two or three weeks. Outside of my sessions, all I did was grieve.
I took away all the vices, even TV. I love watching shows, but I said no. I listened to a little bit of an audiobook and a little music, and that was it. I just laid there and did the emotional, somatic work. I did the feeling work. I did the God work.
Trauma Bond Withdrawal
I went through withdrawal. It was yearning, this strong emotional need, like an addiction withdrawal: to people, to going out there, to an ex. I was going through withdrawal badly.
Underneath Addiction Is Pain and Shame
And you know what came up after the withdrawal? I felt so much pain. I just kept sitting with it. It would come up, and I’d be like, oh my God. And I just sat with it, releasing it from my body. I had to go through a deep nervous system, somatic release process, and I just kept feeling the pain.
Healing emotional pain is the thing underneath every problem we have. Any relationship problem, there’s some kind of emotional pain there. But accessing that is difficult in the modern age, when we’re literally addicted to doom scrolling. We have vices everywhere.
Underneath addiction is pain and shame. Underneath codependency is pain and shame. Underneath strong needs is grief, and then pain, and then shame. I was cycling in pain and shame for days. My mind went into dark places, but I knew that was the pain talking. I knew that was the process.
It’s very helpful to know and anticipate what you’re going to experience, because when you actually go through it, you know you’re not going crazy. This is something you need to go through. When you know the process, you’re going to get there.
Grieving the Relationships We’ve Internalized
I had to process deep grief, pain, anger and resentment from certain relationships, sitting with it over and over and over. Just because you have boundaries, and you’re physically away from someone, doesn’t mean you’ve actually healed, especially after a very long relationship. That dynamic is still in you, even if you don’t talk to them. Especially with empaths: we internalize it, we absorb it.
Pouring Love Vertically: Love God First
All this bleeding love that I had poured horizontally, I started pouring vertically. I poured my love onto God, and I finally understood the first commandment: love God first. I never understood it until I went through the grief.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 22:37–38 (WEB)
I have so much love to pour out. Where does it go? Everything changed when I went vertical instead of horizontal, out to the world. I started projecting my love upwards. And literally, do you know what happened? I started feeling eternal life. It was crazy.
Key takeaways
- Love addiction and codependency often look like people pleasing and loving people who hurt you.
- Empaths bleed love partly because we project how much love we need, and partly because we are big lovers at heart.
- Removing every vice for a season lets the withdrawal, pain and shame underneath come up to be felt.
- Underneath addiction and codependency is pain and shame; underneath strong needs is grief.
- Physical distance isn’t the same as healing; internalized relationship dynamics need grieving too.
- Pouring love vertically, loving God first, is where Tracey felt eternal life.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you heal love addiction?
By removing the things that numb you and letting yourself feel the grief, pain and shame underneath. When the withdrawal passes and the pain moves through the body, the compulsion loosens.
Why does breaking a trauma bond feel like withdrawal?
Because your nervous system has bonded to that person like a substance. Letting go brings yearning, grief and strong emotional need, and that’s part of healing.
What does love God first mean for empaths?
Instead of pouring all your love horizontally into people who can’t hold it, you pour it vertically to God. It’s safer, and your love comes back to you.
Does going no contact heal a trauma bond?
Distance helps, but the dynamic can still live inside you. Empaths absorb and internalize relationships, so the grief, anger and resentment still need to be felt and released.
If you are healing from a trauma bond and want support, learn about working with a narcissistic abuse therapist Toronto empaths trust, or about faith-based Christian counselling Toronto (online across Ontario).
If you’re an empath bleeding love for people who hurt you, you don’t have to grieve alone. I help empaths and healers heal trauma bonds in body, heart and faith.
Book a free consult or 60-minute session
Can’t find a time that works, or want to reach Tracey directly? Send a message or email truehealthcounselling@gmail.com.
🦋 Body to Business Portal: you are the medicine, healing yourself is the business. · ✝️ Christian counselling for faith-based trauma healing. · 🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Educational only. Not a substitute for individual therapy or medical care.
